Musings from an Unconventional Divorce

POST 1 - December 20th, 2024

My husband and I are going through a divorce after nearly half a lifetime together. This is the first time I’m speaking about it publicly. For months, I couldn’t even say the word divorce. On that sunny, scorching hot day in July 2003, in the Swedish archipelago, I truly believed I was marrying for life. I was convinced that this was it.  

For 21 years, I poured everything I had into making the marriage work, and in many ways, I succeeded. But on Mother’s Day this year, I mustered every ounce of courage I had and asked him to move out. In that moment, it felt like the most loving thing I could do—not just for myself, but for my children.  

I’d stayed in the marriage for them, but that day I realized I didn’t want it for them. I didn’t want them to model their future relationships after what my husband and I had. I wanted more for them. I wanted more for me.  

It’s hard to explain how it feels to go through a divorce. It’s like walking a tightrope, high above the ground, with fear tugging at you, daring you to fall. Some days, it’s so tempting to just let go. I’m tired—exhausted, really—and I crave rest. But my love for my three incredible kids keeps me going.  

They are my why. They’re why I get out of bed every morning, why I keep going even when it feels impossible. My 9-year-old calls me “Super Mom,” and I want to keep proving her right. I want her to know I can do hard things.  

To help me navigate this season, I’ve been reading and leading workshops with The Artist’s Way. This life-changing book has become my anchor, helping me choose love and hope over fear every single day.  

Yesterday, on my morning walk, as Julia Cameron’s soothing words poured through my headphones, I felt a clear message: Send a message to Lorraine and ask for advice. I’d been following Lorraine C. Ladish on Instagram for months, always inspired by her uplifting posts.  

I’ve learned not to question these nudges anymore. So, I stepped off the walking trail near the dog park, opened Instagram, and sent her a quick message. She responded so kindly and told me she’d been in my shoes. She even offered her book for free, but I wanted to support her work, so I ordered it on Amazon. That evening, the book arrived (oh, Amazon—you’re a blessing and a curse!), and as I lay down to read it, another message came through clearly: Start writing and share your journey.  

So here we are. I’ve started writing gratitude journals, and though it feels vulnerable (and honestly a little scary) to share them, my word for 2025 is connection. This feels like a way to honor that. I know I’m not the only one walking this path. It can feel lonely at times, but knowing there’s connection and community out there brings me so much comfort. Maybe these words will resonate with someone else navigating something similar, and that possibility fills my heart.  

I’ve been a stay-at-home mom for 13 years. Sure, my resume has a gap, but my heart is filled with memories of these years, and I wouldn’t trade them for the world. Things are shifting now, and while that’s overwhelming, I’m starting to see it as an opportunity. There were times in my marriage when I felt like my wings were clipped. Now, I have the chance to heal and learn to fly again. It’s terrifying—and exhilarating.  

What I’m Grateful For Today: 

Today, I went to my first meeting with The Courage Collective. My incredible friend Sami leads this group of women with so much love, and she inspires me endlessly. I felt so welcomed and supported. Maybe I can become an entrepreneur, again.  Maybe. I’m going to give it my best shot, that’s for sure.

Earlier in the day, though, I found myself crying in my car. A triggering email had left me overwhelmed, and I realized I was parked near the animal hospital where we said goodbye to our sweet beagles just months ago. The grief hit hard.  

I let the tears fall. For once, I gave myself space to just feel. That’s not easy for me—what if I can’t pull myself back together? But today, Adele’s voice on my Spotify playlist felt like a lifeline, singing:  

“The storms are raging on the rolling sea
And on the highway of regret
The winds of change are blowing wild and free
You ain't seen nothing like me yet

I could make you happy, make your dreams come true
Nothing that I wouldn't do
Go to the ends of the earth for you
To make you feel my love”

It felt like a message from my pups, reminding me that love is always here.  

Today, I’m also grateful for warm hugs (yes, like Olaf in Frozen, I love warm hugs!), for laughter with my kids, and for singing together in the car. I’m thankful for that walk in the park, a connection call with a friend to plan a photo shoot, and for finishing the proofreading of my very first book, The Unconventional Addict.  

I’m grateful for simple comforts—a hot shower, my bed, and a delicious vegan meal cooked by my sweet oldest daughter.  

Every moment—whether beautiful or challenging—has brought me here. Me and my three kids, together. And for that, I am so deeply grateful.  

Thank you, life. Thank you, love. Thank you, today.

What about you, my friend? What’s been going on in your world lately? Are you navigating a big life shift, or maybe just soaking in the beauty of your everyday moments?

I’d love to know—how do you find gratitude in your life? Do you keep a journal, like I’ve started doing? Or maybe it’s those little fleeting moments, like your morning coffee, a hug from someone you love, or a song on the radio that speaks to your heart.

If you feel like sharing, I’d be honored to hear about what’s bringing light to your days or how you’re finding strength in the tougher ones. Drop a comment or reach out—I’m here, cheering you on, every step of the way.

Let’s walk this path together.